[Do you ever find yourself in a season of self-amnesia? I feel like since coming out of Quarantine that I have been in a fog. A fog of my own existence. I had forgotten what fuels me, what sparks me, what gives me my very effervescent essence.] - I wrote that in July, saved it as a Draft, closed my laptop, and text my girlfrands to apologize for not being myself and asking for forgiveness as I go on a journey of post-isolation soul-searching to get back to the ME I was missing and letting down. >> Here we are two months later, and I want to touch on this, this little cry out into the inter-web, and share with you how I went from fizzle to zizzle. I share this, because maybe you, too, have been feeling *off* - which, I must implore to you is COMPLETELY OKAY AND NORMAL. If you need someone to talk to, I am always here for you.
Firstly, let's talk about Quarantine. As an ambivert, the time that I spent at home awoke in me the perfect balance of not being sucked dry by being constantly "on" in-person, and being able to have countless hours to be creative or work on something tirelessly without distraction and at a pace that allowed for rest and renewal daily ... then it all suddenly changed, and we were expected to act like the past few months hadn't happened and life accelerated at a pace that left me completely dazed, irritable, and anxious. The fog hit, and it took me several weeks to realize, but when I did - I started the work to fight off the mean reds that day. Here is how I identified my fizzle, and got back my zizzle.
1. Getting Outside - In late June, I received one of the greatest material gifts: a hammock. This one item completely changed my life. The hours, days, and months that have now been spent in this glorious outdoor bed have been some of the most healing. There is truly something about getting in some fresh air and some Vitamin D. Once I was outside, and out of my head, the fog lifted. I lived outside during quarantine, and then when we went back to work, it was so stressful and chaotic that I forgot. I forgot to take the TIME. The TIME that we were given SO MUCH of for months. I went back outside. I went back to Saturday Morning brunch on the porch, books in the hammock, and long walks. The fog drifted away.
2. Getting in the Zone - I zoned in and zoned out. I zoned in on why I was feeling the way I was feeling; I pulled out my journal and wrote and wrote. I zoned in on the what, the why, and the how I would turn it all around and cope and heal with the cards we have all been dealt with this unprecedented pandemic. I zoned in deep to the things that bring me joy, the things that makes me ME, those things that give my soul a zing, and my heart a flutter, And I did them. Then I zoned out - I zoned out in the hammock, on the couch with my husband, in a bath filled to the brim with lavish bubbles - pinot noir in hand, and deep into the covers with an amazing book. And I didn't stop.
3. Getting Rest - Every cloud has its silver lining, and the silver lining of the stay home orders, was time. We didn't have calendars booked solid, we didn't have plates full-to-overflowing; we had TIME. We could create, we could cook, we could live at a pace that we had never lived in - we had the time to rest our weary minds, bodies, anxieties, and souls. One of the greatest things I have done in recent months is to be in tune with when I need to rest. To stop. To breathe. To self-care. To dance, To get outside. To listen. To realize when I am getting stressed, anxious, burnt out, over worked, over committed - and take a step back & r e s t. Rest looks differently these days, but it is as easy as saying no when you don't have the time, and realizing that that in-and-of-its-self is an act of self-care, and saying yes to creating vignettes of time to yourself to BE yourself - grabbing an afternoon coffee, picking up a new book and turning off your brain to items that you have no control over at the time, a glass of wine at sunset. Resting when you can, breathing and praying through life when you can't - always listening to your body and taking care of yourself.
4. Getting Healthy - One of the most unlikely things to happen post-quarantine was the decision to get healthy. We are eating better, drinking over a gallon of water daily, going on long walks, and listening to what our bodies need. It is truly amazing how much clearer and lighter you feel when you put effort into your body and nurture it in ways you have unintentionally neglected.
5. Getting Social - The Extroverted part of me missed people like mad. The Introverted part of me was a total weirdo when gathering together was allowed again - I say that, so when you get overzealous or super quiet at random times when back into civilization, that it is completely fine, babe, and beyond being completely fine - it is absolutely normal for us to have to find a little bit of balance and footing when going back to social situations after being at the house for months on end - give yourself all the grace you need. All of that being said; getting back to being with my people was the greatest feeling. While we are still under specific restrictions, being able to safely grab a coffee, a glass of wine, celebrate a special occasion, and just to lay your eyes on your frands and get to be together in the world again - laughing and talking and connecting - is the ultimate in getting back to feeling like yourself.
I pray that this little heart-to-heart helps you in some way to bring back that zizzle in your soul, that feeling of absolute self, and find your very special sparkle that may feel a bit dimmed at the moment. This too shall pass. We will get through this together.